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i’ve never liked new year’s eve.  in theory, yes.  in practicality, not so much.

when i was a child, i always approached the day with a little fear and trepidation.  as the hours wore down and the night fell dark, the pit in my stomach would grow harder.  i couldn’t ever figure out why.

i tried to distract myself.

but my mind always went to dying.  the world ending.  darkness winning.  and more nights than not, i would be crying at the foot of my parent’s bed.  in fear.

morbid.  and depressing.  i know.  but that’s just the kind of child-like mind i had.  i guess i was that kid.

i’ve grown up.  and as an adult, the nights have mostly passed with friends, games, revelry, food.  fun.  but always a nagging thought in the back of my mind.  a hollow growl in my heart.

the unshakable knowledge that life was slipping away.  and what had i done with it?

time had been spent.  but what had i bought?

these aren’t happy-go-lucky thoughts.  but i never claimed to be an optimist.  and i don’t own rose-colored glasses.

i am, however, a realist.

and the reality is that life is short.  a vapor.  a blink.  a grain of sand.  a firefly flitting across the night sky.  here today.  gone tomorrow.  the end.

but wait.  that’s not the end.

when i was teaching, i had a benjamin franklin quote hanging above our classroom calendar:

“dost thou love life?  then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of.”

{you’re not really supposed to use the word “stuff” in writing.  but i guess if your name is benjamin franklin, you get a pass.  it also helps that he threw in the words “dost” and “squander” for good measure.}

the truth is, i love life.  and i don’t want to waste it.

i’m not filled with fear anymore.  my heart doesn’t seize up with questions of the unknown, like it did when i was a child.  and i’m not wrapped in a ball, crying my nights away.

but i am aware.  and the marking of a new year brings the thought to mind.  in a healthy way, i hope.  that this life i love is not forever.

and this stuff i fill it with?  well, it better be worthy.

“God hath given to man a short time here upon earth, and yet upon this short time eternity depends.” ~ jeremy taylor (theologian, 1660)

i just can’t seem to get the thought out of my head.  could what they said be true?

i’ve been laying here in my bed for hours.  trying to be still.  not disturb my sisters.  or my parents.  trying to fall asleep.  think of something else.  clear my head.  have things go back to normal.

i haven’t been very successful.

the sun is about to come up.  the day is about to start.  i know i have long hours of field work ahead of me.  of picking leaves.  and tending to the family.  a long day.  that requires the sleep i’m not getting.  that i haven’t gotten for months.

but i just can’t stop thinking about i heard.

i remember it perfectly.  i can replay  the day in my mind like it’s happening all again.

i’d been in the field.  with my sisters.

like all the times before, we were laughing at something funny our brother had just said.  some story he was retelling.

i’d just bent down to work on another tree.  determined to pick the tea leaves off every last inch.  when my friend’s face appeared over the ridge.

the wind kept me from hearing her words.  but i could see she was excited.  she gestured for us to come up.  and quickly.

we had visitors at my house, she said.  foreign visitors.

i didn’t know what this meant.  i live in a tiny village.  the same one i’ve lived in my whole life.  the one my parents and their parents and their parent’s parents have lived in as well.

i’d never seen a foreigner.  until that day.

with my sisters in tow, i ran up the hill and all the way to my home.  paused to catch my breath.  and slowly made my way up the stairs.

i could hear talking.  in my people’s language.  in my country’s language.  and then something else.  some other tongue that i wasn’t familiar with.  and honestly didn’t quite care for.

i crept to the top of the landing and sat down.  tucked my legs up under me.  and listened.

before me sat my mom.  my dad.  and four strangers.  two men.  and two girls.  cross legged around our fire pit.  drinking our tea.  eating our candy.  smiling.  dressed in strange clothes.  and looking hot and sweaty.

i was fascinated.

the girls were beautiful.  light skin.  light hair.  like angel’s dust.

the men.  one older.  like my father.  one younger.  with incredibly long legs.  which he humorously tried to fold under him like a grasshopper.

i could tell they were all unaccustomed to sitting on the floor.  they fidgeted a lot.

soon my attention turned to the conversation.  the younger man was speaking in our country’s language.  telling us what the others were saying.  mostly asking questions about our life.  our people.  our home.  our tea.  our family.

and telling us about their’s.  they were from america, he said.  and wanted to learn about us.

at one point, they started asking us questions about our beliefs.  i heard my mom and my dad explain our religion to them.  explain that we are three things:  our belief.  our people.  and our tea.  you cannot undo the trio.

they were interested.  i could tell.  and asked a lot of questions.  i wondered why they didn’t know about this belief of ours.  it’s the only one i had ever heard of.  and it never crossed my mind that others hadn’t.

i turned my attention back to watching the girls.  imagining them as my friends.  wondering if they were married.  admiring their pretty hair.

but then i heard the question.  the one that has been keeping me awake.

they asked if we knew where we came from.  like, where do all people come from?  and the earth too.

the thing is, i’d been asking this question my whole life.  vocally, as a child.  and in my heart, as i’ve gotten older.  once, my grandfather told me some story about the earth and a dragon and the people that were born from them.  it was a wive’s tale.  a child’s story.

but the only explanation i’d been given.

after the question was asked, i glanced around nervously.  my brother and two of my sisters were sitting in doorways, listening to the conversation at our fire pit.

everyone looked blank.  i knew, as a people, we didn’t have an answer.  and i wondered how we would handle this.   my parents simply said they didn’t know.

our foreign guests asked if they could tell us what they believed.

as i sat there, crouched on the top step, my heart jumped.  something inside me told me i’d finally get an answer.  something that was true.

and what i heard was amazing.

that there is a God.  a God who created us.  loves us.  desires a relationship with us.  but we have done wrong.  separated ourselves from him.  but this God wants us back.  and he sent his son from heaven to earth.  to bring us back to our God.  so we could be in a relationship with Him again.

i’d never heard this before.  but now that i had.  it made sense.

perfect sense.

our belief told us to worship a man.  a man who was dead.  but they said we should worship a God.  who is still alive.

they told us more.  gave us a book.  and answered some questions.

i watched them from my window as they walked away.  i could see them laughing with each other.  see them meet up with more foreigners at the corner.  see them pass around their water bottle and wipe sweat from their faces.

see that they didn’t know they had changed my life forever.

because now.  even months later.  i can’t stop thinking about what they said.  and i can’t stop hoping that it’s true.

when i was a kid, my mom used to buy us neapolitan ice cream.  you know, three flavors:  vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate all served together.  it is the quintessential summertime kid-friendly ice cream flavor.

here’s a little history lesson for you:

Neapolitan ice cream was named in the late 19th century as a reflection of its presumed origins in the cuisine of the Italian city of Naples, and the many Neapolitan immigrants who brought their expertise in frozen desserts with them to the United States. Spumoni was introduced to the United States in the 1870s as Neapolitan-style ice cream.

veeeeeery interesting, you say.  pull that little factoid out at parties.  guaranteed to awe and please.

yesterday, i was baking away.  making 100+ cupcakes to serve at my sister’s in-law’s 50th wedding anniversary reception.  as pan after pan of chocolate, white, and strawberry cupcakes went into the oven, i started thinking about what i should do with my left over batter.

waste not want not.  or so they say.

so i started pouring my remnants into the same bowl.  thinking i’d swirl the flavors together.  neapolitan ice cream style!

here’s how you can do it too:

dump your remaining batter into you bowl.  with your knife, swirl {lightly} together.

with a measuring cup, scoop your batter {being careful to get a little of each flavor} into your cupcake tin.

bake as directed.

and now the icing.

i had a little left over canned icing on hand, so that’s what i used.  but you can use homemade as well.

divide your white icing into thirds.  leave one white.  add cocoa to the next.  and red food coloring to the third.

spoon into your icing bag, side by side.

your icing bag should look like this:

swirl onto your cupcakes.  and look at the magic!

serve  ’em up with some neapolitan ice cream on the side!  and if that doesn’t scream summer, i don’t know what does!

there is something about my brother that i think you all should know.

i’ve already highlighted how incredibly talented he is.  i’ve already told you how funny he is.  wait…maybe i haven’t told you that… i’ve already narrated how protective he is.  and i’ve already shown you how amazingly lucky he is.

but what you don’t know.  what i’m just discovering.  and appreciating.  more and more.

is how selfless he is.

levi has one more year of school and then will graduate with his graphic design degree.  he’ll marry bekah. move to bartlesville.  and start working as a photographer.  hopefully in his own business.

right now, he works as a designer for a local photographer in okc and freelances on the side.

he’s worked hard to develop his style.  his name.  his product.

he’s invested in good equipment.  in programs.  in education.

.

then i enter the picture.

i want to start taking better pictures.  i want to learn the tricks.  i want to start my own business.

and so i ask for levi’s help.

.

here’s where a normal person {read: me} would start to feel territorial.  selfish of competition moving in.  prideful in the work they’d put in on their own.  and leery of sharing too much with someone else.

it’d be easy for him to say, “go buy your own equipment.”  when i ask to borrow his light diffuser.  or “i have my own pictures to work on.”  when i ask for help on photoshop.  or “stop trying to do what i do, loser.”  when i ask if i can be just like him when i grow up.

but he doesn’t.

he generously loans out his equipment.  without hesitation, gives his time.  and enthusiastically encourages my pursuits.

.

i couldn’t ask for a better brother.  i love him.

and i thought you all should to know.

i’ve entered this photo into the i heart faces {from a distance} photo challenge.

to see more photos, visit here.  

the last year of teaching universal history afforded me the great opportunity to research and relearn the beliefs of our forefathers.  the intent of their original writings.  the role of government in the lives of the people.

not only that, but to see example after example of nations that fell into socialism, communism, oligarchy, monarchy, anarchy, tyranny.

as i walked through this study with my students, it became glaringly obvious how far we, as americans, have strayed from the origin and purpose of our country.  how our government, established as a democratic republic, has begun to make the subtle {and sometimes not so} changes into socialism.

socialism – a government in which the means of planning, producing, and distributing goods is controlled by a central government that theoretically seeks a more just and equitable distribution of property and labor.

with the implementation of FDR’s new deal, our country quickly became a welfare state.  the government’s job was redefined to include not only protecting our right to pursue happiness.  but providing happiness itself.

i asked my students what we could do to solve the problems this form of government brought on america.  the problems dependence, apathy, irresponsibility.

with looks of despair, inevitably we all just shook our heads.  concluding that we are too far down the spiral of socialism and government dependence to turn back now.

“but people do need jobs.”

“but people do need food.”

“but people do need help.”

these questions and others would arise.

“are we supposed to just let them be… homeless, hungry, and without hope?”

the answer is no.  and what we all understood in our heads, we had a hard time transferring to our hearts.  that the problem lay deep in sin.

.

who should feed the hungry?  the church.

who should help the poor?  the church.

who should comfort the sick?  the church.

the church.  the church.  the church.  not the government.

sadly, my students recognized, the church is not doing their job.  they are not feeding, clothing, helping, healing, housing.  loving.

and so the government has stepped in.  doing the church’s job.  doing our job.  and we’re letting it.

“so how do we change?”  i’d ask my students.  ”how do we go back?”

still.  sad heads would shake.

it’s too much.  too big.  too full of sin.

and i felt the same weight.  until last night.

.

last night, through the help of the citywide gathering ~ the sing.  i heard my first real answer.  my first tangible step to reversing the effects of government dependence.  to making strides in the fight to restore our nation.

let me set it up.

did you know that per capita oklahoma is ranked #1 in the nation for female incarcerations?  did you know that per capita oklahoma is ranked #3 in the nation for male incarcerations?  did you know that oklahoma has approximately 8000 children in protective custody with no where to go?

the church is commanded to look after orphans and widows.  but who is doing it instead?  the government.

but the government in oklahoma can’t handle it.  and so we come full circle.

they are asking for our help.  for the churches help.  to partner with them. to raise up homes.  mothers.  fathers.  brothers.  sisters.  families.  to welcome these children in to.

asking for churches to commit one family.  check out the 111project:

and while that is really cool.  and i pray that churches step up.  repent of their sin of disobedience.  and take their job back from the government.

what really got me excited. and gave me hope.  was this.

christian services of oklahoma has partnered with DHS to recruit, train, and support christian foster families.  this is not only a partnership of time.  but a partnership of money.

christian services of oklahoma.  in a step of faith.  has announced they {meaning:  the church} will not continue to sit back. but will walk in obedience to our calling.

boom.

if that’s not the church taking back their job.  then i don’t know what is.

and that, my students.  is how we solve this problem.

it’s summertime.  and while my type A “gotta get things accomplished” side cringes at the thought of this.  my “i need to take a chill pill”, “stop and smell the roses…er…look at the pictures” side says: yes!

with the invention of facebook, twitter, hulu, netflixs.  and let’s face it.  food.  i’m never really at a lose for time wasters.

however, i’m recently found my new obsession: pinterest.

now i’m not the first to jump on this bandwagon.  in fact, i’m probably one of the last to know.  introduced just recently by my little sister.  i hate it when she finds something cool before i do.

but i’m happy she found this!  and then showed it to me!

if you don’t know what pinterest is, let me fill you in.  when describing themselves, they say:

Think of Pinterest as a virtual pinboard — a place where you can create collections of things you love and “follow” collections created by people with great taste.

People use Pinterest to collect and share all sorts of things — wedding inspiration, favorite T-shirts, DJ equipment. You name it, people are pinning it.

We know you have great taste in something. Our mission is to make Pinterest the best place for you to share your taste with the world.

 

i like to think of it as my favorite magazine.  snapshots of inspiration.

here are my top 5 favorite boards {and a sample of each}:

1.  typography ~

3.  DIY ~

5.  fashion ~

now be warned.  looking through pinterest could give you a case of the wants!  as one pinner defined it:

but. if used as a source of inspiration.  you’ll soon find you’re hooked.  happy pinning!

actually just one thing.

i’ve been looking for a way to hold my hair back in thailand.  i need it out of my face.  off my neck.  without leaving me looking like a hobo.  it may be hot.  but i still gotta look good.

after searching a few craft blogs and viewing photos on pinterest, i decided on the t-shirt headband.  i didn’t want to sew. i was headed out to lay in my pool (read 6 ft kiddy pool.  love.) and i needed something fast.

armed with an old t-shirt, scissors, and a glue gun, here’s what i came up with:

cute, huh?

i love it.  and i wish i could wear it all the time.  i would.  if i could.  but i can’t.

it’s me.  not the headband.

more specifically, my head.  it’s shaped weird.  and headbands that go all the way around my head never stay on.  sad day.

so this morning, i set about to try something else.

i had some simple headband forms left over from an earlier project.  and an old red t-shirt i needed to stop trying to wear.  out they came to make this:

and now.  since i know you’re looking for a summer project to while away your days. i share the tips with you.

start with an old t-shirt, a pair of scissors, a headband, and a glue gun.

{insider’s tip ~ if you want the turban look, simply cut the sleeve off your t-shirt and use that as your headband.}

step 1: {pre step ~ trim off the seam of the t-shirt and throw away.} cut 1/2 inch strips off the bottom of your t-shirt.

step 2: cut two or three more strips.

step 3: wrap one of your strips around the headband, covering whatever color is underneath.  and securing with glue at either end.

step 4: admire your handiwork for a moment.

step 5: take one strip of t-shirt and, securing with hot clue, began wrapping the strip around itself.

step 6: continue to wrap the strip around itself.  be sure to keep it flat.  and secure with hot glue every once in a while.  until you’ve got the completed flower.

glue them onto your headband.  two or three.  i typically go with odds.  but some reason, two works for me on this.  but your choice.

and voila!  the cutest little headband you ever did see!

editor’s note:  while reading this post, please excuse two things.  my unwashed hair.  you know i don’t shower on vacation.  and i don’t apologize for it either.  and my low quality pics.  my camera is out on assignment.  so my old standby, aka my phone, had to fill in.  bless it’s heart.

one of the great things about photography is capturing a moment.  a slice of time.  a glimmer in the eye.  a story in the pose.  a secret that only the subject knows.  and the world glimpses.

that’s what i love about this engagement picture.

levi and bekah were engaged on may 5th of this year.  they’d been dating for years.  like three, i think.  they met in college.  in bartlesville.  and when levi transfered to oklahoma christian, they worked hard to keep their relationship through the long distance.  millions of texts.  thousands of phone calls.  hundreds of trips.

on the day of their engagement, levi surprised bekah with a visit to bartlesville.  actually, more than a visit.

in cahoots with the plan, bekah’s friend asked her to accompany her on some errands.  and soon they were driving around the sleepy little town.  eventually, they pulled up to the park.  the park levi had taken bekah on their first date.  and stopped.

levi approached the car and bekah started crying.  knowing what was coming.

he walked her over to the blanket.  to the carefully packed picnic basket.  to the bottle of celebratory champagne.  to the place they’d fallen in love.  knelt down.  presented the family ring.  and proposed.

when asked later if he said anything sweet.  or if he just asked if she would marry him.  he responded:  ”i was too nervous to think of anything else to say.”

the story goes, that in typical levi and bekah fashion, the next thirty minutes were spent with bekah texting all her friends.  and levi eating the picnic lunch.

.

the thing i love about this picture is the story it tells.  it’s silly.  slightly irreverent.  no, bekah is not a big lush.  and levi doesn’t typically pose for GQ.  no, they probably won’t send it out in their invitations.

but the moment was caught.  simply.  by.  chance.

at the engagement photo shoot, we brought along the same blanket.  the same picnic basket.  the same {now empty} bottle of champagne.

and in a moment of being exactly who they are together.  always laughing.  always enjoying each other’s company.  and antics.

we got this. a moment that in person, was full of laughter.  was now captured.  much to my mom’s chagrin.  forever.

this photo has been entered into the i heart faces {people’s choice} photo challenge.  to see more amazing pictures by much more talented photographers, visit here.

my fourth hour history class enjoyed a “banquet of celebration” today. not a party. mind you. a banquet. celebrating the fact that we made it through at 60 universal history lessons. it was a feat. we all deserve a medal.

or at least a banquet.

i needed to document this. group picture. everyone gather round. i’ll set my camera to self timer!

two seconds is long enough to get across the room. right?

nope. two seconds is definitely not long enough.