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i just can’t seem to get the thought out of my head.  could what they said be true?

i’ve been laying here in my bed for hours.  trying to be still.  not disturb my sisters.  or my parents.  trying to fall asleep.  think of something else.  clear my head.  have things go back to normal.

i haven’t been very successful.

the sun is about to come up.  the day is about to start.  i know i have long hours of field work ahead of me.  of picking leaves.  and tending to the family.  a long day.  that requires the sleep i’m not getting.  that i haven’t gotten for months.

but i just can’t stop thinking about i heard.

i remember it perfectly.  i can replay  the day in my mind like it’s happening all again.

i’d been in the field.  with my sisters.

like all the times before, we were laughing at something funny our brother had just said.  some story he was retelling.

i’d just bent down to work on another tree.  determined to pick the tea leaves off every last inch.  when my friend’s face appeared over the ridge.

the wind kept me from hearing her words.  but i could see she was excited.  she gestured for us to come up.  and quickly.

we had visitors at my house, she said.  foreign visitors.

i didn’t know what this meant.  i live in a tiny village.  the same one i’ve lived in my whole life.  the one my parents and their parents and their parent’s parents have lived in as well.

i’d never seen a foreigner.  until that day.

with my sisters in tow, i ran up the hill and all the way to my home.  paused to catch my breath.  and slowly made my way up the stairs.

i could hear talking.  in my people’s language.  in my country’s language.  and then something else.  some other tongue that i wasn’t familiar with.  and honestly didn’t quite care for.

i crept to the top of the landing and sat down.  tucked my legs up under me.  and listened.

before me sat my mom.  my dad.  and four strangers.  two men.  and two girls.  cross legged around our fire pit.  drinking our tea.  eating our candy.  smiling.  dressed in strange clothes.  and looking hot and sweaty.

i was fascinated.

the girls were beautiful.  light skin.  light hair.  like angel’s dust.

the men.  one older.  like my father.  one younger.  with incredibly long legs.  which he humorously tried to fold under him like a grasshopper.

i could tell they were all unaccustomed to sitting on the floor.  they fidgeted a lot.

soon my attention turned to the conversation.  the younger man was speaking in our country’s language.  telling us what the others were saying.  mostly asking questions about our life.  our people.  our home.  our tea.  our family.

and telling us about their’s.  they were from america, he said.  and wanted to learn about us.

at one point, they started asking us questions about our beliefs.  i heard my mom and my dad explain our religion to them.  explain that we are three things:  our belief.  our people.  and our tea.  you cannot undo the trio.

they were interested.  i could tell.  and asked a lot of questions.  i wondered why they didn’t know about this belief of ours.  it’s the only one i had ever heard of.  and it never crossed my mind that others hadn’t.

i turned my attention back to watching the girls.  imagining them as my friends.  wondering if they were married.  admiring their pretty hair.

but then i heard the question.  the one that has been keeping me awake.

they asked if we knew where we came from.  like, where do all people come from?  and the earth too.

the thing is, i’d been asking this question my whole life.  vocally, as a child.  and in my heart, as i’ve gotten older.  once, my grandfather told me some story about the earth and a dragon and the people that were born from them.  it was a wive’s tale.  a child’s story.

but the only explanation i’d been given.

after the question was asked, i glanced around nervously.  my brother and two of my sisters were sitting in doorways, listening to the conversation at our fire pit.

everyone looked blank.  i knew, as a people, we didn’t have an answer.  and i wondered how we would handle this.   my parents simply said they didn’t know.

our foreign guests asked if they could tell us what they believed.

as i sat there, crouched on the top step, my heart jumped.  something inside me told me i’d finally get an answer.  something that was true.

and what i heard was amazing.

that there is a God.  a God who created us.  loves us.  desires a relationship with us.  but we have done wrong.  separated ourselves from him.  but this God wants us back.  and he sent his son from heaven to earth.  to bring us back to our God.  so we could be in a relationship with Him again.

i’d never heard this before.  but now that i had.  it made sense.

perfect sense.

our belief told us to worship a man.  a man who was dead.  but they said we should worship a God.  who is still alive.

they told us more.  gave us a book.  and answered some questions.

i watched them from my window as they walked away.  i could see them laughing with each other.  see them meet up with more foreigners at the corner.  see them pass around their water bottle and wipe sweat from their faces.

see that they didn’t know they had changed my life forever.

because now.  even months later.  i can’t stop thinking about what they said.  and i can’t stop hoping that it’s true.

the last year of teaching universal history afforded me the great opportunity to research and relearn the beliefs of our forefathers.  the intent of their original writings.  the role of government in the lives of the people.

not only that, but to see example after example of nations that fell into socialism, communism, oligarchy, monarchy, anarchy, tyranny.

as i walked through this study with my students, it became glaringly obvious how far we, as americans, have strayed from the origin and purpose of our country.  how our government, established as a democratic republic, has begun to make the subtle {and sometimes not so} changes into socialism.

socialism – a government in which the means of planning, producing, and distributing goods is controlled by a central government that theoretically seeks a more just and equitable distribution of property and labor.

with the implementation of FDR’s new deal, our country quickly became a welfare state.  the government’s job was redefined to include not only protecting our right to pursue happiness.  but providing happiness itself.

i asked my students what we could do to solve the problems this form of government brought on america.  the problems dependence, apathy, irresponsibility.

with looks of despair, inevitably we all just shook our heads.  concluding that we are too far down the spiral of socialism and government dependence to turn back now.

“but people do need jobs.”

“but people do need food.”

“but people do need help.”

these questions and others would arise.

“are we supposed to just let them be… homeless, hungry, and without hope?”

the answer is no.  and what we all understood in our heads, we had a hard time transferring to our hearts.  that the problem lay deep in sin.

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who should feed the hungry?  the church.

who should help the poor?  the church.

who should comfort the sick?  the church.

the church.  the church.  the church.  not the government.

sadly, my students recognized, the church is not doing their job.  they are not feeding, clothing, helping, healing, housing.  loving.

and so the government has stepped in.  doing the church’s job.  doing our job.  and we’re letting it.

“so how do we change?”  i’d ask my students.  ”how do we go back?”

still.  sad heads would shake.

it’s too much.  too big.  too full of sin.

and i felt the same weight.  until last night.

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last night, through the help of the citywide gathering ~ the sing.  i heard my first real answer.  my first tangible step to reversing the effects of government dependence.  to making strides in the fight to restore our nation.

let me set it up.

did you know that per capita oklahoma is ranked #1 in the nation for female incarcerations?  did you know that per capita oklahoma is ranked #3 in the nation for male incarcerations?  did you know that oklahoma has approximately 8000 children in protective custody with no where to go?

the church is commanded to look after orphans and widows.  but who is doing it instead?  the government.

but the government in oklahoma can’t handle it.  and so we come full circle.

they are asking for our help.  for the churches help.  to partner with them. to raise up homes.  mothers.  fathers.  brothers.  sisters.  families.  to welcome these children in to.

asking for churches to commit one family.  check out the 111project:

and while that is really cool.  and i pray that churches step up.  repent of their sin of disobedience.  and take their job back from the government.

what really got me excited. and gave me hope.  was this.

christian services of oklahoma has partnered with DHS to recruit, train, and support christian foster families.  this is not only a partnership of time.  but a partnership of money.

christian services of oklahoma.  in a step of faith.  has announced they {meaning:  the church} will not continue to sit back. but will walk in obedience to our calling.

boom.

if that’s not the church taking back their job.  then i don’t know what is.

and that, my students.  is how we solve this problem.

i’ve been wanting to tell this for awhile.  been pretty much bursting at the seams with excitement to share this news.  but the timing.  it just wasn’t right.  until now.

and so now i share.

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a few months ago, my brother was looking for graphic design internship opportunities.  my dad and i told him to contact hobby lobby.  we had both toured their corporate office a while earlier during some teaching training time with our school.

being the loyal older sister, i checked their website to see if it mentioned any internship openings.  it didn’t.  but what i did find has altered the course of my life.

in my search, i saw an ad for an opening in their creative department.  as a craft designer.  responsible for creating product prototypes and instructional design.  working hand in hand with their graphic designers and photographers.

i read the ad to my parents.  and the three of us immediately knew i had to pursue this.  it was practically written for me.

i hemmed and hawed about it for a while.  i love my job.  and wasn’t looking for a way out of it.  i was open to change.  but was content if that change didn’t come.

and besides the ad asked for a portfolio.  a portfolio i didn’t have.

after a couple days of not being able to get it off my mind, i went ahead and gathered my work.  took pictures.  and created an online portfolio to send in with my resume.

i held my breath and crossed my fingers.  feeling like it was a long shot.  i had no idea what they were looking for and was just certain it wasn’t what i presented.

a few days later, i was called for an interview.  scheduled for the following week.  where i could meet with the director and show samples of my work.

here’s where the nerves really started working overtime!  and i let myself start hoping.  maybe this could really happen!?!  maybe i could get a job working in my field!?!   maybe they really would want me!?!

i worked non stop for the next week, creating new projects.  rounding out my repertoire.  developing an accurate portrayal of my abilities.

on interview day, i loaded up my car with two laundry baskets full of samples.  and headed out to the corporate office.  out by the airport.

i was nervous.  but confident.

more on the nervous side once they ushered me into the conference room with not one, but four, interviewers.  the creative director.  the photography director.  the craft design director.  and her assistant.

for the next hour, the five of us talked as if we’d known each other forever.  we passed around my work.  they asked me questions.  we all made jokes.

and then we toured the building.  showing me the warehouse bicycles.  and the layout room.

on my way out, i asked when they were planning to make their decision.  and was told they’d been interviewing for two weeks.  and probably had two more weeks to go.  so i shouldn’t expect to hear anything until then.

i got back into my car.  reported back to all of my family.  and settled myself into not knowing anything for awhile.  being ok with that.

two days later, to my complete surprise, i received a call.  offering me the job.  agreeing to let me start after the school year ended and upon my return from thailand.  and with a considerable raise and benefits.

for the next hours, my phone worked overtime as i sent messages and made phone calls telling the world my news.

the world, minus my students, that is.

it just wasn’t time to break the news to them.  until yesterday.

and now the word is out.  and that’s why i can tell you!

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i am so excited for what the future holds!  i have no doubt in my mind that every step of this process has been orchestrated by my Lord.   this answers so many prayers.  He is good.  good indeed.

or the alternate title:  the lies i told myself.

i’ve been sick this week.  i’ve had the headache, upset stomach, feel like i’m gonna throw-up, on the verge of a fever, want to cry all the time blues.  it’s been lovely.  don’t you wish you were here?

i went to school on monday, feeling eww…ok.  i couldn’t really get in the swing of things.  had to push myself to complete my tasks.  but i just figured it was spring break residuals.

tuesday, our thailand team (i told you i’m going to thailand this summer, right?  well, i am.) had meetings all morning.  it was a blast!  complete with a treat of an authentic thai lunch to boot!  i had to fight through this one, resisting the urge to faint or puke every time i stood up or said more than three words.  i went home after lunch.

and slept.  and slept.  and slept.

so when wednesday came and i awoke from approximately twenty-nine hours of sleep, i figured i better head in to work.  i didn’t have sub plans and besides, it was only a half day.  easy shmeesy.  or so i thought.  i made it.  but it wasn’t pretty.

thursday turned out just as bleak.  and by second hour, i was calling for a sub.  i went home at ten to sleep the day away.  right before asking for coverage for friday.  i wasn’t taking my chances.  this thing was gonna be licked.  one way or another.

i hate being sick.

i’m never sick.

in fact, this week was the first time all year.  and that’s saying something for a person who works with kids.  otherwise known as “walking festering germ vats”.  that’s the professional name.

so when i felt things coming on this week, i denied it.  i powered through. stuck it out.  told myself to toughen up, rehrig, there’s a war to fight!  and hence a week long battle with whatever ailed me.

maybe if i’d taken a whole day off at the onset, i could nipped this sucka in the bud a long time ago.

but i’m a slow learner.

and a dang prideful soul at that.

i consider myself pretty strong.  my pain threshold is unbelievably high.  i have a mental toughness that could swallow nails.  or something like that.

and so when i get sick all my walls start crashing down.  i have to start admitting that i’m weak.  that i can’t do things on my own.  that i should say no.  and that i need help.

all things that i hate to do.

with my defenses low, the lies started coming in.  and i started telling myself i was ugly and stupid and a no good loser.  lies.  all lies.

essentially, i was whipped.

i was weak.

and the devil took advantage.

thankfully, i have an arsenal of weapons.  that are highly effective.  when i remember to use them.

and now that my headache has gone away, my stomach has calmed down and my fever’s broke, things are looking up.  and those lies?  i’ll see them again.  i’m sure of it.  in the meantime, i’ll keep building my weapons.  finding that in my weakness, He is my strength.  thank goodness.

my first year in china i worked at an elementary boarding school.  it was a gated compound where the faculty, staff and students lived, worked and received their education.  every morning, at 7:30, we’d walk from my apartment building to the school building.  a two minute path.

every day at lunch, i’d walk arm and arm with my chinese teacher friends, and the rest of my team, to the cafeteria.  we’d wait in line, hoping they’d serve eggs and tomatoes or something else palatable that day.  we’d wave at out students like the rock stars they thought we were.  then we’d sit and eat.  chopsticks flying.  languages flowing.  manners optional.

after lunch, we’d make our way back to our buildings.  once inside the gate, our chinese friends would turn to the left, to their dormitory.  and we would turn to the right.  to the foreign teacher’s housing.

we’d release each other’s arms and they’d admonish us to “have a rest.”

we had an hour or so before we had to be back in the office.  back to the classroom.  it was our rest time.  we were to have a rest.

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i’ve taken a break from writing lately.  with the inundation of information, few have noticed.  and that’s ok.  i write for me. to get things off my mind.  to clarify my thoughts.  to leave my mark.  to find my voice.

but i needed a break.  from one thing at least.  for a moment at least.

everyone comes to this point sometime or another.  where you need to step back.  analyze your path.  figure out what you’re doing.  and reevaluate.

it’s a full season in my life.  as it is with everyone.  i think it was said best on my teacher evaluation form a few weeks ago, when my observer remarked:  ”tara is over committed.”

and who isn’t?

i don’t see this changing anytime soon.  i’m sure i will continue to commit myself to the things i feel strongly about.  continue to not be able to say no to one more project.  continue to have to learn how to balance what i really want to do with what i have to do.  continue to figure out how to be still when the world is pushing me to be busy.

the problem does not lie with all the things in my life.  the problems come when i forget to have my rest.  not curled up on my couch, drinking chai tea and watching a movie.  though that is nice.  a temporary rest.

no.  true rest.  in the arm’s of my dear Savior.  who tells me to come, tired and burdened soul.  come.  to lay my over committed schedule down.  take up his yoke.  know his gentle and humble heart.

and have my rest.

because only then can i be refreshed.  and ready to get back to work.

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“come to me all you who are weary and burdened and i will give you rest.” matthew 11:28

i needed to see this today. perhaps you do too.

to hear his story, watch this:

“wait for the Lord. be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” psalm 27:14
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it’s the year of the… rabbit.  ok.  it doesn’t have quite the same ring as the badly drawn boys’ song,  Year Of The Rat.  but you get the idea.

it’s chinese new years, yo.  well, tomorrow is.  technically.  but tomorrow is already today.  or today is already tomorrow.  in china.  so here we go.

first, a history lesson:

the origin of the chinese new year is itself centuries old – in fact, too old to actually be traced.

days before the new year, a huge clean-up gets underway and chinese houses are cleaned from top to bottom, sweeping away any traces of bad luck.  door and windows are given a coat of paint, usually red, and decorated with paper cuts and couplets with themes of happiness, wealth, and longevity.

the eve is perhaps the most exciting, as anticipation creeps in.  traditions and rituals are carefully observed.  dinner is usually a feast of seafood and dumplings, signifying good wishes.

at midnight, the sky is lit up by fireworks.

on the day itself, an ancient custom called hong bao, meaning red packet, takes place.  this involves married couples giving children and unmarried adults money in red envelopes.

then the family begins to greet from door to door, first to their relatives and then their neighbors.

the underlying message is one of peace and happiness for family and friends.

thank you, internets.

and now on to something more exciting.  in honor of the holiday, i bring you a collection of my chinar moments.  lessons i learned along the way.  in snap shot form.

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chinese babies are the cutest.  with their 20 layers of mismatched clothes, their spiky black hair,and their split pants.

who can resist?

the locals know the best food joints.  this is syd, bady, and cathy.  and some yummy, yummy grub.

when foreigners try the point and order technique, they sometimes end up with bugs for lunch.

the forbidden city really isn’t forbidden anymore…

… to us, or the rest of china’s population.

students are students….

… and friends are friends.  no matter what country you come from.

sometimes you’re asked to do really embarrassing things for the sake of those relationships.

but it’s those things that build trust.  and give you an opportunity to speak Truth into their lives.

happy chinese new year to you all!

新年快樂!

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it’s amazing that a pile of wood, foam, paper, and nails can be turned into a structure.  protection from the elements.  a place of comfort and love.  a home.

saturday brought day two of work on our habitat house.  with last week’s old fashioned barn raisin’, we had the walls up and secure.  this allowed us to shift our agenda’s focus to the roof.

but first we had to do a little wrapping.

as the huge roll of weatherproofing made it’s way around the exterior, we scurried to post it into place.  within no time, the wrapping was smooth and pretty.  tacked down.  and ready for it’s bow.

while this was happening, others worked inside to square each room.  preparing them for the rafters.

as some hoisted the wood up to form the ceiling, others went to work nailing them in place.

it’s pretty cool to see it all start coming together.

by march, suzy and her family will have their home.

for information on how you can get involved with habitat for humanity in your community, go here

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for the last several months, my church has been partnering with the local habitat for humanity organization.  i’ve had the privilege of participating in the last two events, working with the brush with kindness campaign.  painting wall, hanging drywall, installing windows, winterizing homes.

recently, habitat contacted us to ask if our group would be interested in working on a new home construction.  this is a project that will take the next five to six saturdays to complete.

today was our first day on site.

bright and early, 25-30 volunteers filtered onto the vacant lot to find a cement slab and piles of wood.  with limited construction experience among us, we listened carefully and tried our best to construct the walls.  laying out the 2x4s.  and nailing our corners flush.

by 10:00, we had an old fashioned barn-raisin’ going on.  the walls were going up.

with the interior and exterior walls in place, we gave ourselves a tour.  trying to figure out the layout.  passing a black sharpie around, we signed the studs and left words of encouragement to the new homeowners.

after lunch, we got back to work.  boarding up the exterior.

we stood back in awe.  after one day’s work.  it’s a house.  i’m looking forward to the next several weeks as all the details come together.

what an amazing opportunity to be a part of seeing this family’s dream come true.

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i honestly can think of no better way to spend my saturday.

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he lives in china.  he is a son.  a brother.  a husband.  a father.

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and a christian.

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he has spent his life teaching his family.  his neighbors.  anyone who will listen.  about his Savior.

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it is illegal to tell others about Christ in china.  he has lost his job.  been beaten.  ridiculed.  threatened.

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but he does not fear.  he does not stop.  he can’t stop.

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like a doctor who has the cure for cancer.  he must tell the truth.  the good news.  that he knows.

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he must.

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he was arrested.  for preaching.  for teaching.  about his Savior.

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his family is worried.  his wife has no money.  his son misses his father.

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he sends them messages.  exhorting them to not fear.  to keep their faith.  to know he is in the Lord’s hands.  in the Lord’s will.

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it’s hard.

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he grows discouraged.  wondering if he will see his wife again.  if he will see his son again.

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he knows God sees him.  he knows God cares.  but does anyone else?

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this christmas, instead of spending all your family time playing games.  or eating candy.  putting together puzzles.  or watching movies.  would you take a few moments to write a letter to a persecuted christian.  to a prisoner in chains.

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voice of the martyrs offers an easy.  effective.  opportunity to do just that.

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take a few moments.  write a few lines.  interceded on their behalf.

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and let them know.  they are not forgotten.  God does care.  and so do you.

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“remember those who are in chains as if you were chained with them.” hebrews 13:3

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